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Posted on 2005.11.10 at 22:37
Current Mood: busybusy
Current Music: you're beautiful
this year has already gone by so fast.
it's almost mid quarter
which means semester is only a few weeks away
which suuucks because
a.) my grades suck balls (math primarely)
b.) i don't like the stress of christmas but i loooooove christmas.
c.) i don't want it to be 2nd semester.

booo hooo.

i really don't know what i'm doing next year.
who i'll be with
the friends i'll have.
i know that i for sure want some people there.
though, i'd love them all to be there,
amanda, matt, morgan, brittany...
there is more.. but those are my main ones.

i'm scared. and this whole subject makes me cry. so beware.

i also was wondering tonight:
what will my kids be like?
will they be good?
will they like me?
what will they look like?
where will i live?
what will my house look like?
who will i marry?

weird i know, but sometimes, i have these thoughts running through my head.

as i was driving home tonight i was thinking of what i need to do tomorrow.
*see mr. nash so he can stop yelling at me every day for not seeing him.
*register at telementor.
*call pulse (for a job... yea i need to get one but i'm like scared to call?? i don't know)
*go to tap (haaaaaaaaaahahahah)
*have a life???

yea ok, well.. i was really thinking about the job thing.
i need a job
i want a job
it sounds like fun.
and i could use the money.
why am i scared?

then i was like "nothing i do matters right now. i can do what i want, and it doesn't matter."
my life does not depend on my highschool job. not going to dance doesn't matter. there is no permanent affect. there is nothing life changing. so why am i scared?
i'm scared of rejection first of all.
sounding stupid on the phone. (how pathetic)
i'm scared that i don't please people.
that i'm some kind of trouble for them.
but, my future doesn't entirely depend on a job. or dance. pace. poudre pals. school in general.
my future has nothing to do with anything i'm really doing right now.
so it doesn't matter. right?

i don't know.
done with that schpeel.

i know i'm only 17. so this may sound really stupid.
but today, matt was like "if i asked you to marry me, what would you say"
ok, so.. we aren't like thinking of marriage.. haha just so you don't think we are weird.
it was just a random thought.
and i said "well, i'd say yes"
and he said "but we have to go to college together"

i think he doesn't wanna be together if we don't go to school together.
but i on the other hand think that if we are alteast in the same state, we can do it.
i can atleast.
i also don't wanna be a restriction to where he goes.
and i do not want him to be one to me.
i'm staying in state. i know for sure.
i don't know about him though.
i wanna be with him.
i really really really do.
and right now, i could be with him for the rest of my life.
that's just where i am right now with that.
i can't picture myself with anyone else.
i can't picture myself being happy with anyone else.
i think he's been thinking a lot about us and college lately. cuz these kind of comments come up a lot. i just want him to be happy. that's all i care about.
even if that means i can't be.
i know that i'll eventually be happy.
and hopefully, it'll be with him.

and amanda. you are my least favorite person to talk to about college.
you are the one i absolutely can't leave.
because without you, i am molly.
just plain ol' molly.
i don't feel plain with you.
i feel normal. and i feel special.
what will i do when i need you?
when calling isn't enough?
i'm sure i'd drive how ever far. and same for you.
but that's the least of my worries.
what if we drift?
what if we don't stay as close?
i want to meet people in college
but, i don't want to lose you.
so i have a couple proposals.
a.) you can live with me in my dorm room haha.
b.) you can visit me whenever you want to.
c.) i will come visit you whenever i want to.
d.) you will always be my best friend forever.

gah. i'm crying.

i hate growing up.
i hate time.
and i hate the song i'm currently listening to. fifteen.
it bring back memories of the night with amanda and morgs. screaming, taco bell, and orange cones.
one of the most emotional nights.. i've had.

<3 molly

Posted on 2005.11.08 at 22:32
Current Mood: la la laaaaa
Current Music: brendon is blabbing on about NOTHING
i hate how i never update

last week was a pretty bad week.
and i don't even know why.
i saw amanda like twice. which sucks cuz i need her.
*pause* brendon is calling?

ok. anywho.

this week has been good so far.
yesterday i applied at unc and asu.
i contacted my poudre pal
i have a job opportunity at the pulse.
i am all set for PaCE
i signed up for my senior meeting
and i went to the senior trip meeting.

today wasn't as productive
but still good.
except for my mom drama.
and my dad is sick.

tomorrow is matty and i's four month.
cute huh.
"i just wanna go to sleep...and wake up where you are"
and we talked about college
and he started crying.
and it was sad.
he was emotional tonight.
it was precious though.
he's precious.

*brendon is talking and i'm not listening*

alright well. i'm leaving.

i hope amanda feels better
cuz she's my love.

Posted on 2005.11.01 at 18:53
i never update

katherine, you're so inspiring

Posted on 2005.10.16 at 22:20
Current Mood: in love with this life
Current Music: feels like home

1) Star Name: (name of first pet + street you grew up on)
Daisy Norwood

2) Your Movie Star Name: (grandmother's/grandfather's first name and favourite snack)
Velda Candy or Ruby Oreo ahah

3) Your Fashion Designer Name: (first word you see on your left and favorite restaurant)
Nips Fionas

4) Your Socialite Name: (silliest childhood nickname and town where you partied)
jollymolly foco.

5) Your Fly Guy/Girl Name: (first initial and first three letters of your last name)
M Gra (y)??

6) Your Detective Name: (favourite animal and high school)
Puppy Poudre.. ew gross. GIRAFFE??? (that's for amanda)

7) Your Barfly Name: (last snack food you ate and your favourite alcoholic drink)
Chips Banana Daqueri

8) Your Soap Opera Name: (middle name and city where born)
Alyssa Fort Collins

9) Your Rock Star Name: (favourite candy and favourite musicans last name)
Hot-Tammales ... don't know a last name. but hot-tams worrks for me

10) Your Star Wars Name: (first 3 letters of your last name + last 3 letters of mother's maiden name THEN first 3 letters of your pet's name + first 3 letters of the town you live in)
graper mitins( mittens?? weird!) or graper ozzins or graper sadins or graper tigins

11) Porn Star Name: (middle name and street you grew up on)
Alyssa Meeker or Alyssa Norwood

secondly. i was thinking about what i wanted to do today when i grew up aswell.. which is weird. but let me share.

+something with disabled people...not sure yet
+journalist.. some kind of magazine. (yea i watched how to lose a guy today... thanks)
+dancer something hah
+stay at home mom... rich husband haha

well that's all! bye!

yo yo

Posted on 2005.10.15 at 10:01
Current Mood: yea we won!
Current Music: talking to brooke
fuuuuck yea poudre won!
and i had an sweet time last night.
although i was prolly more drunk than i intended to be.
meh meh meh.
cool how aerin called me.
and we hung out.
she said we could stay at her house
then when kevin got involved... we couldn't stay at her house.
so yea, i'm pissed about that.

and i think matt is mad at me. and brittany too.
and i wish last night didn't happen.
although i had fun while it was going on.
i feel gross now so i'm gunna go shower.

if you care.

Posted on 2005.10.13 at 18:20
Current Mood: i suck at life
Current Music: pearls
i feel like shit.
the end